Category Archives: captions

“It’s awesome to win a stage.”

“But I hope they keep thinking these are polka dots. I’m screwed if they find out they are injection marks.”



“Congratulations on winning.”

“But I’m using this plate to reflect light right into your wife’s eyes, ruining the whole ceremony for her. How do you like that, you greedy piece of crap?”


Wimbledon edition …

“Don’t. Don’t do it. If you start beatboxing, it will only enforce stereotypes in this country.”

“I’m just saying, you know I could have any other man here, right? So you should be grateful and not piss me off, okay? Let’s not pretend you’re all that attractive. I mean, come on. I didn’t marry you for any physical reasons.”

“A-ha-ha-ha. I was just kidding. But, no … I wasn’t. Count your blessings, old man.”

“Oh, please. Here we go again. ‘It wasn’t my fault I went out. You hit me there!’ Please. Give it a rest, ball.”

“Ooooh! Lookie there, Martha, she’s dreadfully snagged in the tarp!” “Oooh, yes. Yes indeed. Quite so. I fear she is hopelessly off course!” “Right you are, mum! It’s quite a spot she’s in, that! What do you say we go have bit of tea, clean out chimneys and not go to the dentist?” “Bloody hell bollocks fish ‘n’ chips, govnuh! That sounds like a mighty fine idea if I ever have heard one. God Save the Queen, etc!”

“Ohmigod. Please say my balls aren’t showing right now.”


NBA Draft edition … 

“Do you think it will burn when I put it on?”

“People say I don’t have control over my players. And now I have … him. So … that’s, umm, nice.”

“Perhaps one of you many point guards would like to handle the ball.”

“Finally someone I don’t have to talk jive to.”

“I knew it would be them or Utah.”

“Strong handshake there. You’re obviously overcompensating for your weak school.”

“Hey, look! A place I’ve never heard of!”


U.S. Open final round edition … 

“Ha! Yeah, Ricky Barnes is tipping his stupid cap to you.”

“Oh, yeah, definitely. Give me some dipping sauce and I’d eat him.”

“Way to reflect my mood, club covers.”

“Yep. Upon closer inspection, I still have no idea what the break is.”

“Summer rules, y’all.”

“I’m just sayin’, this guy stole it from Tiguh, you should f–kin’ arrest ’em.”

“Time to put out, Beth Page.”


Oh, what — Tiger Woods comes along and now all black people are “highly skilled golfers?”

That’s racist.

Everyone knows Tiger Woods is more Asian than black. 

It’s the Asian Course, not the Black Course, that should be the difficult one.