The League of Distinguished Gentlemen

byngdatsyukLast night Detroit’s Pavel Datsyuk became the first back-to-back winner of the Lady Byng Trophy, the NHL’s award for gentlemanly play.

(Scene: NHL Awards Banquet)

Presenter: “And the winner of the Lady Byng [stifles laughter] is … Pavel Datsyuk. Again.”

[The crowd giggles and applauds. Datsyuk makes his way to the stage.]

Datsyuk: “My English … not good. I … I have … interpret person please?”

Presenter: “Uh, Pavel, sorry. We don’t have an interpreter here for you. But I could give it a whirl, if you want. I can probably guess what you’ll say.” 

Datsyuk: “Okay. I speak then.” [Datsyuk begins speaking in Russian.]

Presenter: “Umm … I think he is saying that he appreciates the award. Yes, he is saying that he is not ashamed of the Lady Byng. That he is, in fact, proud of the Lady Byng …”

[The crowd shifts in their seats, looking around uncomfortably.]

Presenter: “… He is saying that some people will experiment once with the Lady Byng, with gentlemanly play. But that the Lady Byng is not just a fling with him. It’s who he is. And he’s not ashamed of it anymore. Yes, in this time in America, in 2009, he is proud to announce himself as a gentlemanly player. He is proud to announce himself a gay man. He wants to say it proud and loud! He is a person, regardless of how gentlemanly he may play or gay he may be. [Some in the crowd begin applauding.] He still is a man. A man who bleeds. A man with hopes and dreams. No different than anyone else. It’s time to put bigotry and intolerance aside!”

[The crowd applauds more. Some rise to their feet.]

Presenter: “… call him Pavel Dicksuck if you will. Homophobic slurs will not stop him from living how he wants to live. Pavel Datsyuk is proud of being a gentlemanly player. And he’s proud of being a gay man. He’s here, he’s queer, get used to it!”

[The crowd roars a standing ovation. Some wipe tears from their eyes.]

Datsyuk (aside to the presenter): “I amazed. The crowd like that I say Penguins suck, yes?”

(End scene.)


One response to “The League of Distinguished Gentlemen

  1. Funny shit.

    I’d say Dicksuck is a lock for three in a row next year except that the Lady Byng voters seem to get tired of picking the same guy each year.

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