Master states

Pittsburgh is the “City of Champions” once again. And the Phillies are the reigning World Series champions. It has been a good year for Pennsylvania.

But what state has been the most successful over time? Here are the leaders in titles since 1980.

1. California: 21 champions (4 MLB, 7 NFL, 9 NBA, 1 NHL) – While the Lakers provided 9 NBA titles, the Clippers, Kings and Warriors enabled California to also lead the nation with the most lottery picks since 1980.

2. New York: 13 champions (5 MLB, 3 NFL, 0 NBA, 5 NHL) – Thirteen championships is good, but if you remove Buffalo from the state’s tally then … yep, still 13 champions.

3. Texas: 10 champions (0 MLB, 3 NFL, 6 NBA, 1 NHL) – Many Texans want to secede from the United States. As a separate country, Texas ties Canada (2 MLB, 0 NFL, 0 NBA, 8 NHL) with 10 champions. Congratulations, Texas. If you secede, you will be the international equal of Canada. Oooooh. Watch out, global superpowers! There’s a new player at the table!

4t. Massachusetts: 9 champions (2 MLB, 3 NFL, 4 NBA, 0 NHL) – All these titles that other states are claiming are invalid because Boston didn’t try for them or they were robbed by biased officials. Also, what the f–k is an NHL? An since when did the NFL exist pre-2001? Or the NBA in the ’90s for that matter? This whole thing is gay.

4t. Pennsylvania: 9 champions (2 MLB, 3 NFL, 1 NBA, 3 NHL) – Philadelphia handles the baseball and basketball. Pittsburgh has the football and hockey. And if cousin “wrestling” ever becomes a pro sport, the middle part of the state has that covered.

6t. Illinois: 8 champions (1 MLB, 1 NFL, 6 NBA, 0 NHL) – While Michael Jordan accounts for Illinois’ 6 NBA titles, the fact that the White Sox let him play in the minors should really push the MLB tally back to zero. Maybe even minus-1.

6t. Michigan: 8 champions (1 MLB, 0 NFL, 3 NBA, 4 NHL) – 1984 World Series hero Kirk Gibson was an All-America receiver at Michigan State and the best football player to play in Detroit in the past 30 years.

8. Florida: 5 champions (2 MLB, 1 NFL, 1 NBA, 1 NHL) – A recap of Florida champions: Marlins (2), Brad Johnson (1), NBA officials (1), a hockey team in f–king Florida!!! (1), Dan Marino (0). 

9t. Colorado: 4 champions (0 MLB, 2 NFL, 0 NBA, 2 NHL) – Colorado’s tally goes up three if you include John Elway’s victories in Triple Crown thoroughbred racing.

9t. Missouri: 4 champions (3 MLB, 1 NFL, 0 NBA, 0 NHL) – I don’t know any jokes about Missouri.


6 responses to “Master states

  1. Actually those of us in Philadelphia barely consider ourselves in the same state as Pittsburgh. Geographically, yes. But other than that, we hate you guys. I’m sure it’s mutual.

  2. You gave NY credit for our (NJ) NHL titles? The 4 ties us with Missouri, and I’m sure you could have thought of a NJ joke.

    The worst part is, in about 2 weeks, the Onion is going to give NY credit for the Devils too.

  3. sportspickle

    Oh, Joshua … New York’s 5 NHL titles = 4 for the Islanders and 1 for the Rangers.

    Granted, it’s hard to remember that the Islanders exist, never mind that they once won four Cups in a row.

    But here is a New Jersey joke for you: “How dumb is New Jersey?” “New Jersey is so dumb that Joshua lives there.”

    Ooooooooooh. Burn.

  4. Hey, SOB, I’m from Missouri and….

    yeah I don’t know any jokes about Missouri either. Except may the one about being from Missouri.

  5. Canucklehead

    Ouch. Joshua’s burn is so bad, I can feel it all the way up here in Canada.

    My only quetion is, has anyone ever seen David “NJ Devil Face-Paint” Puddy and Joshua in the same room at the same time?!?

    Go Habs!

  6. Oh crap, those Islanders titles were in the 80s. Always thought it was before then, probably should have checked first.

    Us NJers are a little trigger happy when we think NY is getting credit for our stuff.*

    *Like those NFL titles.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s