Arlington, TX: April 1989

Sammy Sosa: “I look like such a fool in this giant hat. Because I am an unheralded rookie with only 30 home runs in 1,500 minor league at-bats who has zero chance of ever growing into a power hitter, the team stuck me with this out-sized cap. They want me to look like a fool. So I have been forced to resort to growing this ridiculous jheri curl in a desperate attempt to fill in the space between my head and the perimeter of the hat. If only there was some way to make my head bigger. I would do anything.”

Shady Character: “Perhaps I can help.”

Sosa: “Hello, shady character. Where did you come from? And what could you do to help me? For I am just a poor Dominican prospect with little power who speaks no English when I’m in trouble.”

Character: “I have something that can make your head grow bigger so you can fit your hat.”

Sosa: “My head will grow bigger or my hair? I just want to make sure. I don’t want my hair to get more comical.”

Character: “Your head.”

Sosa: “Fantastic. I’m in. Tell me what to do.”

(End scene.)

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One response to “Arlington, TX: April 1989

  1. Is that really a picture of Sammy Sosa? No joke. I’m seriously asking.

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