Corey McIntyre’s junk is “questionable”

Buffalo Bills fullback Corey McIntyre was arrested in Florida back in March for whacking it in some bushes while looking through a window into a woman’s house. (Well, I guess the actual charge was “misdemeanor sexual exposure.”)

Anyway, prosecutors have now dropped the charge because of lack of evidence. Police described the accuser’s description of the event as “questionable.” 

What could she have said in regards to the incident that was “questionable”?

“I think it could have been his penis. Or maybe he was in the bushes digging for bait and popped up holding a small earthworm.”

“You know, it could have just been an outie. All I know is that he was holding something protruding from his midsection and it was very, very tiny.”

“It could have been Corey McIntyre in my bushes. Or it could have been Whoopie Goldberg in my bushes shaking up a bottle of hotel shampoo. I’m not positive.”

“From the looks of him, you know, down there … he was 5 or 6 years old. I don’t want to give a child a permanent record. Maybe I should drop the charges.”

Chances are it wasn’t any of those. But we just don’t know.

Every good lawyer has two jobs: 1) Keep his or her client out of jail; 2) Clear up any confusion in cases that include his client’s junk and the word “questionable.”

Corey McIntyre’s lawyer has failed on the second account.

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6 responses to “Corey McIntyre’s junk is “questionable”

  1. You seem disturbingly fascinated with public masturbation.

  2. sportspickle

    Really? Outside of this — http://www.sportspickle.com/features/volume8/2009-0527-lebron.html — what else?

    I’m just reporting the news. Don’t shoot the messenger.

    Especially not with … you know.

  3. Stanley Pringle.

  4. sportspickle

    Oh. Right. Stanley Pringle. Pride of State College.

    I’m going to asterisk that one. Ever since the Internet went mainstream, a library can’t really be considered “in public.”

    But you guys are right. So I promise …

    “For the near future, I will lay off the public masturbation.” — DJ Gallo

    You can quote me on it. (Just please use the proper context.)

  5. Corey “Whack-In-Briar”.

  6. sportspickle

    Fantastic.

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