The Eli and Abby Manning Birthing Center

(Scene: The opening of the Eli and Abby Manning Birthing Center at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Greenwich Vilage.)

Hospital Chairman: “… And so, without further ado, let’s cut the ribbon and open the new Eli and Abby Manning Birthing Center!” [Crowd applauds.] “Eli, can you say a few words?”

Manning: “Sure thing. I was happy to give a donation to this new baby center. Now, can you please tell me how it works?”

Chairman: “Happy to. The pregnant women check-in over here and once they are processed are led down the hall to-…”

Manning: “No, not that. Babies. How do the babies get in their bellies?” [The crowd laughs.] “What?”

Chairman: “Good one, Eli.”

Abby Manning: [quietly] “Not now, Eli. I’ll explain everything again later.”

Manning: “Abby says she’ll tell me later.”

Chairman: “Heh. Umm … okay. Well, now we would like to give a tour. As I said, this is the check-in desk and then up here on the right we have the waiting room.”

Manning: “Is that where the storks wait?”

Chairman: “The storks? Abby, can you handle this while I continue the tour?”

[The group walks on while Eli and Abby Manning stay behind talking quietly.]

[A few moments pass. Then a high-pitched shriek.]

Eli Manning: “Aaah! No! Noooooo! I don’t want to see your down-theres! Sranger danger! Stranger danger!”

(End scene.)


5 responses to “The Eli and Abby Manning Birthing Center

  1. Why Gallo hasn’t won a Tony or Pulitzer for his drama writing, I’ll never know!

  2. Anonymous = Jim

    It’s all the typos.

  3. sportspickle


  4. Yeah, typoos, because DJ, ya’ do your best writing when discussing poo. Or butt sex. Both kinda involve poo I guess.

    [In Douche-ese] But seriously…brah! Can we talk brah? This Eli Manning as a sexual novice… this is so PLAY-ED OUT, yaknowit? Now toss me a Coors Light.

  5. What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave?

    A microwave won’t brown your meat!

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