Mark Cuban apologies to Kenyon Martin’s mom

Via blog post. (AKA: the manliest way to apologize.) Here is Mr. Cuban’s post:

An Apology to Kenyon Martin’s Mom: In Hopes Kenyon Martin Doesn’t Beat Me Up

It started as a smart ass comment that I know that no one heard. How do I know, because there was a reporter right there next to me, as well as other people who saw the whole thing and didnt hear a word of it. I know no one heard it … except for the people who did hear it, forcing me to now apologize for what I said that people heard. Got it? I just wanted to shift the blame completely off of me at the start of this “apology” and imply that everyone is lying or that there is some sort of conspiracy against me. Let’s continue …

But at this point, that has become irrelevant. It doesnt matter why I said it. I shouldn’t have said anything. Now, the reality is that this has gotten out of hand. Way out of hand. It’s one thing for me to be able to tell a 50 year-old woman that her son is a thug. It’s totally different when I am threatened over saying such things to someone’s mother. This is ridiculous. What is this world coming to when a billionaire can’t tell an old woman that she was a terrible mother? Also, let me stress again that no one heard what I said, even though I am now apologizing for what I said. I shouldn’t have said anything. Which was nothing. It’s irrelevant. Still with me?

When tempers and such start impacting the fan experience both in Dallas and Denver, and it requires special security, thats not what I want for Mavs or Nuggets fans. No one takes more abuse and gets more threats on the road than I do. So I know exactly how it feels. I’ve also had my family and friends spit on at games in this series. So I know how unpleasant that is as well. It’s a dirty secret that all arenas need to do a better job of protection for visiting team fans, particularly during the playoffs. It’s also a not-so-dirty secret that I am the victim here. Everyone realizes this, am I right? Mrs. Martin should really suck it up. In fact, she should be apologizing to me. And a real apology, too. Not a self-serving, blame-shifting blog post.

So at this point I would like to apologize to you and your mom KMart for my comment. I should have not said anything and I was wrong. Hopefully you will accept the apology and we can move on. Or I shall taunt your mother a second time. (Oh — and not that I really made a comment, because no one heard it.)

When the series comes back to Dallas, your family, and the family of other Nuggets players are welcome to stay in my suite, with my family. Its amazing how tempers mellow when real people talk to each other and realize that its still just a game. Of course, it’s rather unlikely the series will come back to Dallas, so you’ll just have to accept this blog post as the totality of my apology. (And I never go into my suite anyway. Not a lot of cameras there.) But, really, it is amazing how tempers mellow when people talk to each other and realize that it’s still just a game. I mean, how did you not realize that my comments to you about your son being a thug were part of the game? It was all in fun! Grow some thicker skin, you pathetic, thug-rearing old woman.

If that isn’t acceptable, I’m happy to provide a suite, free of charge to them as well and place whatever security is needed to make them feel comfortable. We tried to have enough additional security for them tonight as well, but I know your family and friends didn’t feel as comfortable as they should. I apologize for that as well. This arena is my responsibility, we could and should do a better job. Sorry, some of the security was assigned to me. They are necessary because I am the team owner and therefore I must sit courtside and inject myself into the game as much as possible. It’s the role of a good owner.

So if we can put this behind us, I will make sure when the series comes back to Dallas, your family and friends, and that of your teammates are very comfortable at our Arena. (See what I’m doing here? I’m repeatedly saying that the series will come back to Dallas, which will only happen if the Mavericks upset your son’s team in Game 5. I have always found an undercurrent of passive-aggression is great in apology blog posts.)

Then I hope we both take the advice of your coach and can get together this summer. Dinner for you and your family is on me. But I pick the place. I’m not going to one of those thug restaurants you people go to.

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3 responses to “Mark Cuban apologies to Kenyon Martin’s mom

  1. You could have left out the red parts and it still would have made good satire. Unbelievable.

  2. sportspickle

    I remain shocked when people say that they like Mark Cuban. “But he’s just like how any fan would be if they owned a team. He’s just like how I would be if I owned a team.” Really? Then you’re an asshole.

  3. That was hilarious. The end was especially choice “But I get to pick the place. I’m not going to one of those thug restaurants you people go to.” I can see this being a running joke for Cuban like Gallo is apt to do. Though Jeremy is right, you could have just posted the original and I still would have gotten a laugh.

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