Who is Stephen Strasburg?

San Diego State pitcher Stephen Strasburg is considered the best pitching prospect in decades. He threw a 17-strikeout no-hitter against Air Force on Friday. (During war time? Way to ruin troop morale, a-hole.)

Who is this guy? Here are some facts about Stephen Strasburg.

Strasburg was named the 2009 Louisville Slugger preseason national player of the year. The marketing geniuses at Louisville Slugger decided to honor a player who makes it seem that their bats are crap.

Despite being only 20 years-old, Strasburg was a member of Team USA at the Beijing Olympics. Strasburg was treated as a rookie on the team, and had to carry his teammates’ suitcases (full of steroids) and bags (of impostor urine).

Was a Roger Clemens Award semifinalist as a sophomore in 2008. The award is given to the best pitcher in college baseball. The votes are tabulated and then sealed with a dab of pus from Clemens’ ass abscess. The results are then leaked by Brian McNamee.

Strasburg’s fastball reaches 103 mph, his slider hits 94 mph and his curveball clocks at 88 mph. And just to really impress people, Strasburg throws his change-up 140 mph.

The San Diego native is a public administration major at San Diego State University. As a native San Diegan, Strasburg is unaware that the vast majority of the American public is rather unsightly and overweight — not really the kind of people one would want to administer in any proximity.

The Washington Nationals are expected to select Strasburg with the No. 1 overall pick in this June’s draft. Strasburg may decide to use that public administration degree after all.

Scott Boras is Strasburg’s agent, and is said to be looking for a deal worth 6 years, $50 million. In this economic climate, the only organization willing to put up that kind of money for a player without a professional track record may be in-state rival USC.

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2 responses to “Who is Stephen Strasburg?

  1. They say he’s the next Brien Taylor.

  2. sportspickle

    He’ll never be as IMPORTANT as Brien Taylor if he’s not a NEW YORK YANKEE.

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