Earlier this week I opined on the sucktrocity of Delaware due to the state’s Lean-To of Representatives voting down sports gambling. Of course, with all things in which I am wrong … I was just joking! Duh! It was merely satire! As though being a state shaped like a lobster’s penis is a bad thing! Delaware is, like … super cool! Always has been.
For today, Delaware’s Palace of Representatives voted on a new bill and … LEGALIZED SPORTS GAMBLING IN DELAWARE!!! Huzzah! Well done, Delaware!
So let me take this opportunity, Delaware, to thank you for all the things that make you so great.
— Thank you for being a wide shoulder on the stretch of I-95 that passes through you as I travel to other places.
— Thank you for hosting the corporate headquarters of so many credit card companies and for passing strong laws protecting their interests. Few states have the guts to stand up for the big, corrupt guy.
— Thank you for gay-friendly Rehoboth Beach. It’s somewhere to get decent food and culture in Delaware outside of the Applebee’s and Loews Multiplex in Wilmington.
— Thank you for Dover International Speedway. With a seating capacity of 140,000, 1/6th of your state’s entire population can sit in one place and inhale race car fumes. If only we could figure out such a clever extermination strategy for Al-Qaeda.
— And thank you for the Delaware Blue Hen, one of the many exotic, Where The Wild Things Are-type creatures that live in the depths of Joe Flacco’s unibrow jungle.
Thanks again for the sports gambling, Delaware.
Now let’s just hope VP McCheez doesn’t lose the entire Federal Reserve betting on a Sixers game.