Behind the Derby names

Why and how is a name given to a horse? Here are 12 of the favorites set to race in this Saturday’s Derby and the reasoning behind each of their names.

Mr. Hot Stuff – as his owner was trying to think up a name, this horse dropped a hot one on his foot

Desert Party – this horse if owned by a fat woman who can’t spell

West Side Bernie – this horse was swindled out of his valuable semen by Upper West Side resident Bernie Madoff

Musket Man – this name is just a helpful reminder to the horse about who awaits him should he lose

Atomic Rain – the owner of this horse hates Japanese people and thinks the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki were hilarious

Summer Bird – this horse is so named because while his penis is quite short in cold weather, it is rather large in warmer temperatures

I Want Revenge – this horse’s mother was raped repeatedly by dozens of steeds

Regal Ransom – all of this horse’s winnings go to a Saudi prince who uses the money to bejewel his palace toilets

Join In The Dance – should this horse win the Derby, his owner has already parlayed a spot in next year’s “Dancing With the Stars”

Advice – This horse’s owner named his other horses Help, IGotNothin, TerribleAtThinkingOfNames, Puzzled, and Question Marks

Mine That Bird – this horse’s name comes from the term used to describe the process of extracting horse semen

Nowhere to Hide – a subtle message by the owner to pelt merchants that this horse’s hide has no wear

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4 responses to “Behind the Derby names

  1. Don’t forget the odds-on favorite…Hoof Hearted.

  2. I’m picking She’s the Fastest.

  3. Anonymous = Jim

    What no West Side Bernie/Story reference?

  4. sportspickle

    No. It was tough. I’ve lost a lot of sleep over it.

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