Try to stay with me here.

Michael Phelps is dating the “controversial” Miss USA runner-up who doesn’t condone gay marriage … Michael Phelps is a pothead … eventually Phelps and Miss Non-USA will have extremely awkward sex … smoking pot makes your kids gay (everyone knows this, right?) … therefore, Miss Non-USA is going to have an uber-gay kid. 

So again … awkward!

– – – – – – –

[18 years from now.]

Junior Phelps: “Mom, dad … I have something to tell you. I’m gay.” 

Michael Phelps: “That is, like, so gay.”

Miss Non-USA: “Well, son, it’s great that you live in America and can choose normal sex or opposite sex. But, no offense, I was raised to believe that you’re going to burn in hell for all eternity.”

Michael Phelps: “Whoa. Harsh.”


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