More Gisom-related violence

We all heard about the gunfire at Gisom’s wedding. 

Now things have escalated. A severed goat head has been found in Chicago. Let’s take a look at the information in the article for clues:

Chicago police say they found the severed head of a goat outside Wrigley Field. 

Hmm … a message from Gisele? After all, the goat is her biggest competition for Brady’s love and attention. That horse face always has to get in line behind that goat face when it’s time for sexing. And Brady was originally drafted to play baseball. So a dead goat outside a baseball stadium? Did Gisele have her security toughs do this to let Tom know it’s time to let go of his past? All signs say yes.

Officers said they were treating the incident as a prank, since the same thing happened last year.

First of all, let’s show some sensitivity here, Chicago Police. A prank? No one who loves goats like Tom Brady loves goats would call multiple goat beheadings a “prank.” And the same thing happened last year, you say? Hmmm. That makes me think this could be Bridget Moynahan behind the brutal goat-slayings. She has hated Brady for at least a year. And now with Gisele recently making those comments about Brady’s lil’ bundle of regret being “100-percent” hers, I bet she’s sending the message: “Give me my son back, Tom, or another one of your beloved goats dies.”

Goat and sheep heads are available at a number of ethnic butcher shops in Chicago.

WHAT?! Oh, Chicago, you’ve done it now. Tom Brady is going to give you a metrosexual butt-whupping (butt-waxing?) the likes of which you’ve never seen.

You know, just as soon as Gisele finishes feeding him brunch.

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