This Weekend’s New Book To Not Read

douchebookA Mother For All Seasons: A Memoir by Debbie Phelps

Why read the book when I can tell you all the chapter titles?

Chapter 1: My Daughters Got the Looks, Michael Got the … Umm …

Chapter 2: Still Thinking …

Chapter 3:

Chapter 4: … The Huge Lungs and Freakishly-Long Torso

Chapter 5: Michael was the Result of a One-Night Stand with a Merman

Chapter 6: Swimming: When Your Child Sucks at Other Sports

Chapter 7: DUI, Bongs, Strippers and My Son’s Love of the Ravens

Chapter 8: Get a Book Contract Before Your Child’s 15 Minutes Are Up

Chapter 9: Amanda Beard, You are Even Uglier Than My Son — And a Far Inferior Swimmer, You Slut

Chapter 10: If Tony Dungy Can Be an Expert on Fatherhood, I Can Be an Expert on Motherhood

Chapter 11: How to React When Your Son Brings Home Some Bar Whore for Thanksgiving

Chapter 12: Michael Phelps: As American as Mom, Apple Pie, and a Bong Made Out of an Apple

Chapter 13: The Sweet, Patchouli Scent of Victory

Epilogue: Coming soon from Harper Collins: A Douchebag for Many Reasons by Michael Phelps

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2 responses to “This Weekend’s New Book To Not Read

  1. Gallo- where is this new site you’ve been promising us! (:

  2. sportspickle

    Patience, my dear one. A re-design of such delicate awesomeness takes some time.

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