First round of the Masters edition …

“Oh, no. Another bad shot. Cue the symmetric pit sweat.”

“I just realized these stripes trace the exact droop path of my old tits.”

“No one can call me a douche anymore. With these glasses, I am now firmly a dork.”

“Chris, my darling, I’ll say it again: you make me hard. You are one handsome woman.”

“So where shall we make sweet love? Over there amongst the azalea petals?”

“This guy is no help. Why did I pick a blind caddy?”

“So your wife just flashed her breasts at Tiger Woods. It’s okay. It was harmless. Calm down and focus on this next shot.”

“That slut!”

“I am fat Tiger Woods.”

“Come back here, you delicious marshmallow.”

“Wait a minute … that looks like Tiger Woods, too. So are you or are you not the real Tiger Woods?”


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