Cash, money (and probably) hoes

Some details on the perks and incentives built into John Calipari’s contract have come out.

While he will make $31.65 million over the eight-year deal, his annual base salary is only $400,000. As a reference point, the Kentucky governor makes … $124,384 a year.  And he just gave back 10-percent of that due to budget shortfalls. And he doesn’t get an extra $7.6 million per year in endorsement, marketing, broadcasting and licensing money (at least that I know of).

Here are Calipari’s perks — which don’t factor into the $4 million annually:

> The right to income from conducting basketball camps using school facilities.

In all fairness, Calipari’s take is limited here because he has never been able to get a single person to sign up for Coach Calipari’s Free Throw Shooting Camp.

> Membership in a country club of his choice, including monthly dues and initiation fees.

Also, all of his putts shall be deemed gimmes. And when his wife goes to the country club pool, every man there should give her rack a brief, admiring glance, as if to say: “Coach Cal sure is lucky to be hittin’ that,” thus further bolstering Calipari’s ego. But the glance may not linger any longer than a moment, or it shall be deemed disrespectful and the offender will lose his club membership. Also, Calipari can slap the ass of any member’s wife.

> Two (2) “late model, quality automobiles,” plus mileage.

$4 million a year is good money, sure, but not able-to-buy-a-car-by-himself money! Few men are that rich! Oh, and this is Kentucky, so one of those ’70s model half-car, half-pickup things doesn’t count. 

> 20 prime “lower-level” season tickets to Kentucky home games.

Coach Calipari has a lot of friends/people he is indebted to for paying his recruits. Also, “lower level” means that from the seat, the patron can ogle both the upper and lower levels of Ashley Judd.

> 8 tickets for each Kentucky home football game.

Hey, why not. He may also want to go to a field hockey game sometime, who knows. (This is assuming, of course, that there are eight unsold tickets available for Kentucky’s football games. Coach Cal realizes this is unlikely, and is willing to be flexible. <– That last sentence is really in the contract. Followed by: “LOL.”)

> A $50,000 bonus if the team’s graduation rate is 75-percent or better. A $50,000 bonus if Kentucky wins the SEC. A $50,000 bonus if Kentucky wins the SEC Tournament. A $100,000 bonus if Kentucky makes the Sweet 16. A $175,000 bonus if Kentucky makes the Final Four. And a $375,000 bonus if Kentucky wins the national championship.

You can see more about the true message of this contract provision in the new University of Kentucky marketing program:

“Come to the University of Kentucky! Where we value a national championship 7.5 times more than your child’s education!”

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