Wrapping up all the April Fool’s sports pranks

Dante Stallworth to be charged with DUI manslaughter — Umm, yeah. Riiiiiight. An NFL player abusing a controlled substance? An NFL player committing a crime? Can’t be true. These fake stories have to at least be somewhat plausible. Try again.

John Calipari hired at Kentucky — One of the nation’s premier basketball programs, who is still trying to make people forget all of the scandals of the late ’80s … hiring John freaking Calipari. Of all people? Sorry. I wasn’t born yesterday, people. Good try, though.

Derek Jeter to bat leadoff — This is a team that expects to win a World Series. And they’re going to bat an old guy who’s slowing down and strikes out a lot at the top of the lineup? Sure. Totally. Yep. I buy that. What are you going to try tell me next, that they gave an obese man $170 million to front their rotation?

Phil Jackson defends Andrew Bynum for carrying Playmate on his shoulders — Sure he did. I am so sure he’s okay with the future of the franchise, who hasn’t played in months due to an injured knee, carrying around skanks and putting unnecessary strain on his knee. And doing it poolside where he could slip and fall at any moment. Sure, in a year they need him to return to win a championship. Sorry. Not buying this one either.

Broncos to trade Jay Cutler — The guy who just a couple of months ago was the future of the franchise??? Actually, yeah, I can see being duped by this one. Cutler is kind of  a crybaby and a prick. So it wouldn’t be that farfetched to think that Denver would want to get rid of him.

UPDATE: Here’s another one … Moron receives fantastic gift pack for being biggest moron. Not under my watch!

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