He is the champion, my friends

Our NCAA Tournament pool winner has been decided. And, after tying for the worst bracket through the first two rounds of the tournament, Joe Christesen won an epic suck-off in the Sweet 16 and Elite Eight by only correctly picking one team. Joe, congratulations.(?)

Here is his victory speech:

I am extremely proud to have won the award for being the loserest loser among losers, and I have several people to thank for it. First off my brothers, they were always there telling me how I would never succeed in life, that I would never have any friends, and that I would be the biggest loser ever. How right they were. Thank you for pushing me, and keeping the notions mom and dad put into my head about success at bay. My friends (or so called friends) for making sure I was the butt of every joke. You lower my self-esteem to the lowest of lows making it possible for me to even imagine being the high chieftain of losers. On a side note, what a great award for a loser supreme, season tickets to a losing team and a book written by some loser who I have heard rivals my loserness. Now to thank my teachers, pets, acquaintances (music starts playing) I’M FINISHING UP GOD DAMN IT. I’m the Grand Puba of losers so suck it winners!!

Well said. But, uh … you forgot part of the gift. You forgot that you will also be receiving a Joey McLaughlin card. Look at Joey. Just look at him. You have hurt his feelings. 

Good job, Joe Christesen. You suck at picking basketball and you’re a mean person, too. No one likes you.

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10 responses to “He is the champion, my friends

  1. Anonymous = Jim

    Can it really be called a victory speech?

  2. I know Joseph personally I can attest to the fact that he is probably THE single biggest loser I know… except for this one other kid, which means hes even a loser when it comes to being the biggest loser – which some would argue would make him even a bigger loser but that is up for debate. Needless to say – the prizes he has won are certainly fitting for a loser of his caliber… or lack of caliber… or whatever…

  3. Joey Lawrence

    Winners go by Joey, losers go by Joe

  4. Joe you always were the best at sucking. Way to go buddy!

  5. Oh Joe, I always knew in my heart that you were a huge loser. It’s wonderful to see my opinion validated by the world at large!

  6. Pingback: Wrapping up all the April Fool’s sports pranks « Ponder This

  7. I would congratulate Joe… but I’m too jealous. My bracket was great (by which I mean it sucked).

  8. What do I win for best team name?

  9. sportspickle

    What do you win for best team name? Some hobolingus, of course. Administered by pool “winner” Joe. I thought I had made this quite clear in the rules. The owner of the worst bracket would receive my generous prize pack … and have to orally stimulate a hobo. Joe, Hobolingus awaits your hobolingus. (Don’t forget to send us pics to post on the site!!!)

  10. Oh. I was only wanting a turtleneck.

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