USA = Terrifying!

We have all heard horrifying stories about Americans in countries like Turkey, Thailand and Indonesia being thrown in jail or forced to endure horrible punishments for the smallest of “crimes” — jaywalking, taking photographs, kissing a woman in a public place — or even for crimes they did not commit.

There was “Midnight Express.” And “Brokedown Palace.” And that kid in Indonesia who was caned.

But now comes a story about a brutal and merciless punishment of a visitor to our own country.

Here are the details: A Dominican man came to this country in the early ’90s. He never committed any major crimes, he minded his business. He even became well-respected in his field. Then, one day he happens to take a few illegal drugs and lie to the United States Congress. And, out of nowhere, THEY BRING THE PAIN DOWN ON HIM! He gets … duh-duh-DUM … probation! And he is sent back to a forced labor training camp in the heat of Florida to toil away with some obscure outfit (the Astros) as he counts the days until the final year of his 6-year, $72 million contract expires.

THE HUMANITY!

America, you a-hole!

All that for merely lying to the face of our entire government! It’s so unfair. And he had to pay a $5,000 fine, too?! Nooooooooooooo!

What’s next? Raising his postage by a cent? Community service? Making him drink a cup of his own bacne pus?

(Actually, that last one is a probably a pretty good idea.)

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