Upcoming photo spreads Alex Rodriguez has agreed to

Cat Fancy: dressed in a kitten outfit, crawling on all fours with the cover headline “Mr. Purrrrrrfect” (April)

Fit Pregnancy: topless and breastfeeding a baby with the mammaries he grew from years of steroids use (May)

Hispanic Business: standing naked with his back to the camera; “Open for Business” sign placed above his buttocks (June)

Horse & Rider: dressed as Catherine the Great and copulating with a Clydesdale (July)

Vibe: dressed as rapper, but singing into a microphone that is actually a double-headed vibrator (August)

Yankee: dressed in a Red Sox uniform while he kisses himself in the mirror (September)

Sports Illustrated: wearing a baseball uniform, head slumped and crying with the cover headline “Choker!” (October)

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