Inside a “snub” was granted a few minutes to speak with NCAA Tournament selection committee chairman Mike Slive. Here is the transcript of that conversation. “Thank you for your time. First off, I want to commend you on a job well done. It can’t be easy to pare the field down to 65 teams. But I would like to address your reasoning behind leaving a few teams out of the field, if I may.”

Mike Slive: “Sure thing. Shoot.”

SP: “Okay, first off — Penn State. The Big Ten sent seven teams to the Tournament. Penn State finished tied for fourth in the conference, yet didn’t go. Plus, they had some big road wins, including at Michigan State and at Illinois. Was it their weak non-conference schedule that kept them out?”

Slive: “Partly. But, really, by all rights they deserved to be there. The decision to keep them out was really more of a public safety issue.”

SP: “I’m not sure I follow. Please explain.”

Slive: “Well … Stanley Pringle. Their point guard. He whacks off on people. We were worried that if got too excited and happy about going to the NCAA Tournament, he’d be jacking it all over the place. The library, out in the street, on national television before millions. We didn’t want that on our conscience. The kid is a menace.”

SP: “Hmm. That’s really interesting reasoning. But, you know, don’t you think that the typical chronic masturbator tends to be someone who is sad, depressed and lonely — someone who can’t get a girl? I bet if Penn State had made the Tournament, Stanley Pringle could have hooked up with any girl on campus. So need to whack it on a girl at the library. But now that he is angry, he could do anything.”

Slive: “I … I hadn’t thought about it that way. I hope we didn’t make a really big mist- … Aah! What was that? It felt like a bird just had diarrhea all over the back of my neck.” [Touches back of neck. Turns around. Sees Stanley Pringle standing angry and pantsless behind him.] “Damn you, Pringle!”


3 responses to “Inside a “snub”

  1. hilarious

  2. Johnny Fritos

    C’mon, who hasn’t whacked in the stacks?

  3. Now I gotta watch the NIT tournament too!!!

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