We’re all screwed.
New jobless claims are at their highest in 26 years. Consumer confidence is nonexistent. Even the NBA needs a loan.
Clearly we’re about to become a hob0-centric society, just as I have long predicted.
So, what to do?
It’s easy: begin planning what you will carry in your bindle, and in what direction you’ll ride the rails.
1. Wet Naps — I can use them to clean my face and undercarriage if I get a date with a hot hob’tress. Or, if there’s a severe drought, I can suck on them for water.
2. Mrs. Dash — I’m going to be eating a lot of squirrel, rat, and crow. Shoe soup, too. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Mrs. Dash to the rescue!
3. gold — Gold will be the primary currency in our Greatest of Depressions. Unfortunately, I don’t have any gold. So I’m going to have to leave empty space in my bindle at first until I kill a few fellow hobos with gold fillings and get some grave robbings under my belt.
4. “Moneyball” by Michael Lewis — Believe it or not, I’ve never read this book. One good thing about being a hobo: there’s lots of free time to catch up on your reading. I’d download a bunch of books on Kindle, but there’s no way to keep the battery charged in our post-apocalyptic world. Bezos, you dumbass!
Rail Direction: Upper Midwest. That’s where Americans are the fattest. If it comes to it, they would be the best to eat. (No offense, Upper Midwest folks. It’s actually kind of a compliment.)
Feel free to share your Bindle contents and Rail Direction in the comments.
See you on the rails. Oh, and identify yourself as a SportsPickle reader, and I’ll give you a free spoonful of leather boot soup!