Amazon has Kindle, SportsPickle has Bindle

We’re all screwed. 

New jobless claims are at their highest in 26 years. Consumer confidence is nonexistent. Even the NBA needs a loan.

Clearly we’re about to become a hob0-centric society, just as I have long predicted. 

So, what to do? 

It’s easy: begin planning what you will carry in your bindle, and in what direction you’ll ride the rails.

My Bindle: 

1. Wet Naps — I can use them to clean my face and undercarriage if I get a date with a hot hob’tress. Or, if there’s a severe drought, I can suck on them for water.

2. Mrs. Dash — I’m going to be eating a lot of squirrel, rat, and crow. Shoe soup, too. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Mrs. Dash to the rescue!

3. gold — Gold will be the primary currency in our Greatest of Depressions. Unfortunately, I don’t have any gold. So I’m going to have to leave empty space in my bindle at first until I kill a few fellow hobos with gold fillings and get some grave robbings under my belt.

4. “Moneyball” by Michael Lewis — Believe it or not, I’ve never read this book. One good thing about being a hobo: there’s lots of free time to catch up on your reading. I’d download a bunch of books on Kindle, but there’s no way to keep the battery charged in our post-apocalyptic world. Bezos, you dumbass!

Rail Direction: Upper Midwest. That’s where Americans are the fattest. If it comes to it, they would be the best to eat. (No offense, Upper Midwest folks. It’s actually kind of a compliment.)

Feel free to share your Bindle contents and Rail Direction in the comments.

See you on the rails. Oh, and identify yourself as a SportsPickle reader, and I’ll give you a free spoonful of leather boot soup!


5 responses to “Amazon has Kindle, SportsPickle has Bindle

  1. Anonymous = Jim

    This looks like the beginning of the Gallo Manifesto. Good luck, maybe Amazon can “sell” that too.

  2. Anonymous Jim. That’s a pretty good hobo name.

  3. Don’t forget the recipe for my famous Hobo Chicken Chili…I start with the best part – the neck! Then add secret hobo spices…

  4. I’d ride the rails west. California would be warm enough to sleep outside all year.

  5. Larry "Li'l Larry" Newman

    Rails southeast. Once we reach Florida, we’ll head out to the far more prosperous nation of Cuba- plantains for everyone!

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