Rule 32(b):1 — No jumper cables on your nipples either

More than 100 swimming world records have fallen in the past year since the introduction of new high-tech suits like the Speedo RZR Racer that Michael Phelps wore in Beijing. 

And now FINA, the sport’s governing body, is looking to limit swimsuit technology. For example, swimsuits … 

… must be no thicker than 0.04 inches; have no external influence on the swimmer in the form of pain reduction or electro-stimulation; and may not be customized for individual athletes.

Electro-stimulation. Mercy.

Now we know why Michael Phelps was so animated here. He wasn’t excited about winning. He was merely in extreme pain from his swimsuit sending electric shocks through his soaking wet testicle bag.

No wonder the guy wanted to chill out a little bit and get high.

Let’s cut him some slack.

Or at least get him some salve for his balls.

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