The perfect Valentine’s Day gift

If you, my dear readers, are anything like me, you have many Valentine’s Day gifts to purchase before this weekend because you are cool. You are a “playa.” (Is that the correct word? Is it player? Play or? Ply her? Plier? Yeah, that’s probably it, right? “Plier.” Because I pick women up like I am using a pair of pliers.)

Either way, we’re very, very cool people. 

So you’ll need to buy some gifts. And you’ll need to save money at the same time. Well, have I got the perfect gift for you!

My book!

Yes, my book. 

For now it is on sale for just $5.18. 

Yes, $5.18.

Have you ever heard the phrase “it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on”? Well, whoever thought up that never conceived of a book being this cheap.

So buy it for your loved one for Valentine’s Day. There is a drawing of breasts in the book AND a drawing of the World Cup that looks like an engorged man organ. So … great for both guys and girls to get you in the mood! 

Also, there’s a giant picture of my head on the back of the book. Super-double-sexy!

So buy my book for Valentine’s Day. It’s $5.18. Half of the material in the book is original and exclusive to the book. So you can get that for $2.59.

$2-freaking-59.

I’m so proud.

And ply on, plier.

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5 responses to “The perfect Valentine’s Day gift

  1. check your math

  2. Oh. Right. That should be $2.59, not $2.09. I fixed it.

    See, now $2.59 is respectable. I’m a big-shot author now.

  3. You’re right. That extra 50 cents can put your kids through college. Keep up the good work!

    Just kidding, actually have the book already, thank you very much. Or you’re welcome. However way that works out.

  4. It’s P—- layer, cause I lay the “P”. Yeah, what? what?

  5. My girlfriend did not get it for me and she couldnt even use the excuse of her money being too tight. I broke up with her. She said she knew me, shes a liar.

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