Exclusive: Interview with Alex Rodriguez

SportsPickle: “Thank you for granting this exclusive interview. You said you wanted to clear some things up that have been reported about you. The forum is yours.”

Rodriguez: “Yes, I want to clarify some reports. It has been said that I am attracted to muscular, she-male types. And that is simply not true.”

SportsPickle: “Really? Please explain.”

Rodriguez: “I am attracted to muscular, she-male types, yes — but only those who gained their muscles by using steroids. Big difference.”

SportsPickle: “How so?”

Rodriguez: “Well, if you want a true she-male, you want one who has used steroids heavily. Women who use steroids develop facial hair and Adam’s apples and their breasts shrink and their voice deepens. Most importantly and deliciously, their clitorises grow into penis-sized appendages. That’s a real she-male. That’s the kind that turns me on. And none of that happens with women who gained muscle without the use of steroids.”

SportsPickle: “I see. So did you start taking steroids first and then become attracted to steroids-using women, or was it the other way around?”

Rodriguez: “No, I’ve always been attracted to muscular, steroids-fueled, she-males. Few people know this — because so few people ever have sex with these beautiful she-males — but you unknowlingly take in steroids while doing them. That’s how I got steroids in my system in the first place. For example, in 2003, I hooked up with a she-male after a Ms. Olympia competition — and I contracted herpes, syphillis and androstendione. The excess steroids just poured out of her ambiguous, gaping crotch area. Two weeks later we were tested by baseball.”

SportsPickle: “So the only steroids you have used have come from sexual contact with she-males?”

Rodriguez: “At first. But I also used the cream and the purple.”

SportsPickle: “The cream? The BALCO product? And what is the purple?”

Rodriguez: “No, the cream is what my stylist put on my hair to frost my tips. It was laced with steroids that went into my bloodstream through my scalp. And the purple was a lip gloss full of testosterone.”

SportsPickle: “A purple lip gloss full of testosterone — kind of ironic, no?”

Rodriguez: “How so?” [Rodriguez powders his nose.]

SportsPickle: “Umm, nevermind. Thank you for speaking to”

Rodriguez: “My pleasure. Big fan. Your pickle logo has always reminded me of a she-male clitoris. It’s so hot.”


One response to “ Exclusive: Interview with Alex Rodriguez

  1. I was starting to wonder why my testicles are shrinking and backne is appearing.

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