TV tonight

Capitals at Devils — 7:00 p.m. EST on Versus

Capitals at the Devils? How bought all the devils who work in our capital? Huh, am I right, people? Politicians today — boy, oh, boy. A bunch of crooks is what they are. Show of hands … who doesn’t like politicians? Yeah, I thought so. They’re no good! Hey, what do you call 1,000 politicians at the bottom of the ocean? A GOOD START! Am I right? I am right. Hey, so I was flying the other day and I used the airport bathroom during my layover. Have you noticed how hard these sinks are to turn on and off nowadays? It’s impossible to wash your hands! Not that we guys ever wash our hands anyway … am I right, fellas?! You know it. Yeah, all you ladies out there holding hands with your guys, you have pee-pee on your hands now. Hey, so speaking of guys and girls, have you noticed there are lots of differences between them? For example, women …

(Please bear with me as I work out the kinks in my standup routine. I think it’s getting there!)

Oh, and totally unrelated to this post and to sports in general, if you’re out tonight and want to use a good pickup line on the ladies, try this one: “May I see if you are a suitable kidney donor?”


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