Flac? The Knife?


I will be traveling all morning and in meetings all afternoon, so this might be my only posting of the day.

Therefore, I will turn Ponder This over to you. I first mentioned this epic battle in Handicapper last week: Ray Lewis’ Knife vs. Joe Flacco’s Unibrow. 

The Irresistible Stabbing Force vs. The  Untrimmable Object! (And, yes, a unibrow is definitely a single object. If it was objects — plural — we wouldn’t have this problem.)

Please vote for who you think would win this war to end all wars and, if so inclined, please state your reasoning in the comments.

UPDATE (4:14 pm EST) — I have to say I am shocked by the results so far. I guess the thinking is that while we know the knife has killed two men, there may be hundreds or even thousands trapped and dying in the unibrow.


10 responses to “Flac? The Knife?

  1. The knife would win the battle but lose the war. Soon after it will no doubt face jail time as “God’s Linebacker” plea bargains again and remains a face of the NFL.

  2. if anyone wants to see a real hardcore unibrow, google image search bosingwa… a right defender for chelsea. i mean wow.

  3. But unibrows are sexy! Did you see Salma Hayek in that movie about Frida Kahlo? Ohohoh baby! (Why do all my posts drift back to Salma Hayek? I’m not stalking her, I swear)

  4. The unibrow wins because Flacco has God on his side. God is so tired of Ray Lewis ruining His reputation.

  5. Do these meetings have anything to do with the super secret project?

  6. Thundertongue

    Ray-Ray’s knife takes the loss. His posse aint there to help him by holding the guy down. Unibrow dulls the blade so it can no longer be used. Ray-mond is crippled by this and quits football to become a barber (its the only place he can get a sharp object…..)

  7. Well, you see, a knife’s a knife…but a unibrow, that’s the stuff of legend. It has resurrection powers, like a zombie…or Jesus…or Zombie-Jesus.
    Who would you pick in a fight, Ray Lewis and a knife or Zombie-Jesus?
    I would pay $49.99 on PPV for that awesomery…

  8. Chris: I like your thinking. If two murders helped his marketability, just imagine what the killing of millions of eyebrow hairs would do.

    Anonymous 1: Sweet mercy. Looks like Flacco has some competition at the ESPYs for Best Unibrow.

    Mike: I actually no longer find her attractive because of that movie. And because while promoting it on Conan, she said she is able to grow a mustache. Hot!

    Jeremy: You’re right. Only an all-powerful being could place so many follicles in such a small patch of skin.

    Anonymous 2: What super secret project? (Whoa. I totally should have been a spy.)

    Thundertongue: Are you saying “Sweeney Todd” is based off of Raymond’s life?

    Squirrel: That is a great point. I hear unibrows continue to grow even after their host flesh is dead.

  9. Flacco 12:19 – “and god sent to earth his mightiest of linebackers. He bestowed upon this linebacker the ability to to jump on tackles already made and celebrate such tackles with the most beautiful of interpretive dances directed toward the heavens. He also bestowed upon the linebacker a blade so sharp it could pierce all.

    Alas, the duty of possessing such a mighty weapon was more than God’s linebacker could carry. The blade would eventually be used for evil. Thus God sent to Earth the only item powerful enough to overcome the powers of the blade. It was then that Joe Flacco’s unibrow, so thick and bushy, overcame the powers of the mighty blade, thus ending the evil brought about by God’s linebacker and his mighty blade.”

    Sorry to quote the bible, but this is pretty relevant. Flacco’s unibrow wins hands down.

  10. Flacco’s unibrow is winning?

    These kids today. No respect for the true legends.

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