Finding misunderstandings in the Eddy Curry case

David Kuchinsky, the former driver of Knicks center Eddy Curry, claims Curry routinely solicited him for sex and hurled racial slurs at him. If you take it charge by charge, though, it sounds like nothing but a simple misunderstanding. Kuchinsky claims Curry said the following: 

“Come and touch it, Dave” (said in the nude) — There are literally hundreds of parts to the human body. This “it” he speaks of could be anything. Maybe Curry wanted Dave to touch his nose or his elbow or his injured knee. Maybe Curry thought so highly of Dave that he believed he had healing powers! Yet out of all those parts, Dave just assumes Curry’s “it” was his penis — perhaps because it was erect. Sounds to me like Dave is the one with the perverted mind!

“cracker” — Racist? I don’t know. Maybe. But not in this context: “Would you like to eat my penis on a cracker?” If hors d’oeuvres are racist, then racism is disturbingly delicious!

“f—ing Jew” — The devil is in the dashes. For all we know, Curry said “fowling Jew.” Perhaps Dave is a skilled hunter and trapper of wild fowl. Learn to take a compliment, Dave!

“My wife is coming home. Clean up these dirty towels covered in my ejaculate.” (paraphrasing) — Umm … why are you a personal assistant if you won’t do this most basic and essential of tasks, Dave? When I interview for a personal assistant, I have three basic questions: 1) Tell me about yourself and why this job interests you. 2) May I speak with your references? 3) How quickly can you launder, dry, fold and put away a self-love towel? 

I would probably have a few more more questions, but usually the interview ends there.

Free Eddy Curry!


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