This Weekend’s New Book To Not Read

Hard and Fast by Erin McCarthy

Romance fiction? Revolving around NASCAR? And featuring a man’s huge, pepperoni nipple on the front cover?

What’s not to hate?

By the way, I don’t mean to give away the ending in case you do read this book, but the reason the guy’s face isn’t shown on the cover is because … well, after banging the book’s author hard and fast (he has zero stamina) in the locker room at Daytona in the second-to-last chapter, he races without his shirt or helmet, crashes and has his face melted off when his car bursts into flames. The writing is so descriptive at the end you can almost smell the burning stubble and Axe body wash.