You’ve seen the story about the 20-year-old Pirates prospect married to the 43-year-old baby-stealer. Now learn what led up to this incident.
1988: Jose Tabata is born in Venezuela. (Or it could have been 1978.)
1990: Tabata is abducted by Amalia Pereira. They later marry.
Spring 2008: Despite entering the season with a .305 career batting average in three professional seasons, Tabata hits .248 in his first 300 at-bats. He blames his slump on being distracted by taking care of his aging wife, who now requires frequent epsom salt baths, hemorrhoid treatments, and bunion massages.
July 2008: Tabata is traded with Ross Ohlendorf, Jeff Karstens and Dan McCutchen from the New York Yankees to the Pittsburgh Pirates for Xavier Nady, Damaso Marte and a baby to be named later.
March 16, 2009: Pirates prized prospect Pedro Alvarez is reassigned to minor league camp and told to watch his weight. It is later discovered he was in cahoots with the cougar-temptress Mrs. Tabata and was not overweight, but smuggling babies.
March 18, 2009: Pirates pitcher Tom Gorzelanny leaves major league camp and is sent to the minors. But before he reaches minor league camp, he is briefly abducted by Mrs. Tabata, who is confused into thinking Gorzelanny is a baby due to his fetus face.
March 24, 2009: Mrs. Tabata is arrested for stealing a baby in Florida, marring the Pirates planned “Bring Someone Else’s Daughter to Work Day” festivities in Bradenton.
March 25, 2009: The Pittsburgh Pirates make the national news!!!
Is Gorzelanny related to Jared?
Hey, if you can’t suck enough at baseball, might as well find another fan base.
Hopefully she is able to attend the Grapefruit League Championship parade in Pittsburgh if the Pirates are able to finish strong. It may be the last winning (pre) season she is able to see before she passes of old age.